Respecting (but not necessarily following) generational norms

Many changes occur generation to generation, with clothing in the workplace just one small example. Men and women have been classified and put into buckets based on what they wear, and what they wear has influenced their worth and value in society.  Society creates these categories and assigns attributes, but where does each of these expectations start?  And how does it change over generations?  

Of course, I am looking at this through the lens of personal experience. When I applied for my first job out of college, in Boston, I wore a pantsuit to the job interview.  I was using a recruiting firm and first had to meet with my contact at the agency so she could coach me.  I had long hair, and it was neatly tucked behind my ears.  When she saw me, I could see her jaw drop.  She scolded me.  “What are you wearing? This is Boston. Women need to wear skirts.  And your hair is unacceptable.  There’s nothing we can do about your pants, but I’ll find something for your hair.”

She walked around her office until she could find someone to loan me a hairclip, then instructed me to go into the bathroom and put my hair up.  I had to use a stranger’s hairclip to make my hair acceptable for the Boston business district.  This made me feel bad about myself, and no surprise, I didn’t get the job!  The irony was that when I arrived to the company interview, the woman who interviewed me was wearing a pantsuit.

This was 1997, not 1957.  I didn’t understand how wearing pants rather than a skirt had any bearing on my ability to do an office job.  Not long after this event, I attended a professional women’s networking luncheon, where a woman gave a keynote about appropriate workplace wear, which bled into how one should always comport oneself beyond the workplace.  She was from the south, and told us that no matter what, a woman should always, at minimum, wear lip gloss, that our hair should always be neatly groomed, and that, if we wore jeans, we should iron a seam down the front because it would “make us look thinner.”  For the record, I have never ironed a seam into my jeans.

I was annoyed by these expectations, but I also realized she was a generation ahead of me. We cannot disregard the cultural norms and expectations that generations before us have come to believe as truth.   

Being mocked is a powerful reinforcer.  It is difficult to be the individual who begins to behave, dress, speak, and act as they believe in their heart to be true to themselves.   This requires risk and the possibility of being ostracized.  We adhere to cultural norms to fit in.   

I am impressed by current generations who can more fully accept that they do not need to live by a prescribed system. Perhaps it is because of our increased ability to connect with others beyond where we grew up, and our ever-expanding worldview, that we see there are many ways in which to live and comport oneself.